First Dental Visit

Well Auroras doctor recommended she see the dentist at 12 months but ive been wondering whether i should just take her to the regular dentist we see and whom i have known for my entire life.. Or a pediatric dentist that will specialize in the care of a youngsters teeth and dealing with a youngsters fears. Well the regular dentist really saw no need to see her so young.. I looked online for some pediatric dentists locally, but never really came up with one.

Well at Auroras 18 month check up I brought up my concerns to the doc and he recommended the pediatric dentist..and even a specific office.. I checked into them and they seemed great. So i made the appointment. They sent me a bunch of paperwork to read and fill out before her appointment, which will be March 25th. Took our dental insurance info and gave me an idea of whats going to happen. This dentist is a little further than i had looked prior, but right next to her pedis office.

They said the first appointment will usually take 45mins to an hour. They will go over any bad habits she has (ie thumb sucking, bottle taking, paci usage, etc... None of which she does...), what she eats and when, who brushes her teeth (john and i do.. she doesnt do it well enough herself yet), then they will go over what she should and shouldnt eat, proper dental hygiene. They will then check her teeth, do anything if necessary, and then give her a toy and balloon or something..

They said they want the experience to be as enjoyable as possible. They have a child geared waiting room, every dental room has a flat screen tv that plays children's movies. They have a male and female dentist. I informed them that aurora is more afraid of men and she has her appointment with the female dentist.

Im excited because it seems like a great place and i feel like i made a good choice for my child. However im worried about how its going to go, he 18 month checkup was miserable, she was sooo frightened to let them touch her. I think I will be switching her primary doc. Currently she sees a male who I like, but like i said, aurora doesnt take too well to men and she doesnt see the doc very often. Johnny has a female pedi and we really like her, so i think i will be changing her primary pedi to johnnys pedi.

Who I've Become

Yesterday was St. Pattys day. So happy belated St. Pattys day. :) Got the kiddos up, john stayed late before going to work. Gave them their St. Pattys day buckets of goodies..not much, gave John his tie... Fed Aurora breakfast, she got to drink milk out of her plastic green mug. John left. My father came over and i made us all lunch, made plans to go to the park with my aunts and my cousins son.

Met at my aunt susans, waited for aunt nancy and my cousins son, cody, to show up. We drove to the park. Got the kiddos out.. Fed the ducks. Laid a blanket out and had a picnic then walked the kids over to the playground so they could play. Johnny slept in auroras stroller (my father doesnt allow me to put my double stroller in his car) while i ran around with aurora and dad sat next to johnny sleeping. They had a blast.

Brought Aurora home, put her down for a nap. Fed johnny, put him down for a nap. Then i cleaned both bathrooms.. As i was doing it i kept thinking. Man i love who i am and what i am.

I love being a Mom. Especially a Stay at home mom, thats the only way i would have it. I know that im raising my kids. I cant imagine not being with them all the time. Sure its hectic, but heck i love it. I love that i have such a wonderful husband who works so hard to allow me to stay home and i love the little family we are. We knew when we got married that we wanted kids and when we had kids that i would stay home with them. So they didnt have to go to a stranger or daycare... At home they have mommy, they have one on one care. I just love my life.

Aurora got up, ran around with grandpa for a bit..She loves hanging out with grandpa. Came home and did "School time" with mommy. We only do it during the weekdays. Its amazing how fast she learns!

John came home from work and i cooked dinner and folded some laundry. We had corned beef, potatoes and cabbage of course. Aurora seemed to like the corned beef. And then it was the nightly routine as always.. Bedtime baths, stories, prayers, kisses and bed. Both kiddos down and mommy and daddy were able to have some time to watch tv together. I love our adult time.



Well today I went on a walk with my friend Deja and her cute lil son Logan. I took john to work so i could have the car and the double stroller. We went on an hour walk again.. Our third one so far i think. I was excited to do it. I feel so much better when i excersize. I lost 7.6 pounds last week alone! Im eating well, my kiddos are eating well. Breastfeeding is going wonderfully. Im cloth diapering pretty much all the time. Aurora doesnt have enough covers to do it all the time for her.

Came home, picked up dad, had him check the air in the tires..the light was coming on. Found out that eventually i will need new front tires...oh well. Then came home and made my baby girl and me some lunch. Then fed johnny, put them both down for naps again. This time aurora wasnt having it, so after awhile of letting her cry. I let her go out and play with grandpa while i cleaned the kitchen. She wanted to help, but i dont like having her around the chemicals. So now the kitchen is clean, the baby is starting to wake up.. and aurora should be coming home soon.... I dont like him to take her for too long.. I miss her too much... But i cant really deprive her from seeing one of her favortive people, grandpa.

Well anyways off i go.. wanted to let people know i was still alive..lol.

Time after time

Well im taking a break from folding the mountain of laundry that i washed recently. Though i still have two bathrooms to clean and a kitchen, but the kitchen will wait for another day..thats going to take all day, because i need to go through a lot of stuff in the dining room..

Last night I had a dream that grandma had survived the pneumonia... I woke up thinking maybe she still was alive, but in a few seconds i realized it had been a dream. That was hard.

Im happy to say that johnny was completely cloth diapered all night and they work wayy better than the sposies that he often leaks through at night. I also saved my pocket dipe i have for him, for the night which made it simple and easy.

Aurora is talking more and more everyday.. I just cant believe it. Every weekday we do "school time"..I try to shoot for five oclock M-F.. We do colors, ABC book, body parts, baby animals, music..etc.. We have been doing it for a a week now. Well today we were watching baby mozart..and aurora shouts out blue.. and i look up and the lady is moving the blue puzzle piece. My little girl is growing up.

Johnny giggles, coo's and all that. Rolling, jumping in his jumperoo.... holding his head up really well..all that jazz...

18 month check up

Aurora had her 18month check up yesterday.

Stats
Weight 27pounds
Height 32 inches and some change..lol.. Id have to go get the paperwork

She was scared of the scale and cried while on it and it was the stand up ones! She was scared of the doctor. Didnt want the gown put on..didnt want him touching her... The nurse did her head measurments, her temp..basically everything he could do in my arms. She didnt used to be like this but oh well. She warmed upto the male nurse..which suprised me, but her doc..nope.. She has seen him since a baby but oh well.. its been awhile. She got a book, then her vax, and then a sticker and then outta there.

Ive got more to say, but no real time to write.. oh well. Just thought id update everyone. : )

Depressed

I think im going to be depressed for awhile. I miss my grandma so much and the longer time passes the more i really miss her... I cant just pick up the phone and talk to her.. like we used to.. Talk about nothing.. go visit her.. I just wish she had never broken her hip. I wish she were still alive today. I wish this didnt hurt so bad. I thought nothing would hurt as bad as the loss of my grandfather because we were so close, but now they are both gone. When she was alive it was like a part of him was still here..but now they are both gone and i cant help but be so upset. I just want them back so that i can wrap my arms around them and never let go.

Now im crying again. I need this pain to go away.

Its so final

So today was the funeral. Well we didnt have anyone to watch the kiddos...everyone we knew was going and we really arnt keen on leaving our kids with non family members, especially since johnny is a screamer on occasions... And i am breastfeeding and though i dont mind him having a bottle of formula once in a blue moon.. i prefer him not to.

Well we get ready to go. I didnt have anything black for the kids to wear and while i thought about going out to buy them something, i decided against it. So Aurora wore a black, pink, and white dress...Johnny wore a blue onsie with matching overalls..though he was in my black moby wrap the entire time. We get there..its the viewing, my mother stays outside with aurora because i was adamant she NOT see grandma in the coffin, She knows who grandma is and loves her very much and she just wouldnt understand. So John and i and johnny, who was sleeping in the wrap. Went in. Grandma didnt look like herself. Wasnt wearing her glasses, was wearing very heavy make up.. but then i gues you would have to, she was very bruised on her hands from all the iv's.. and even some bruising from when they did the ventilator.

Well then we went back out. John got his stuff for being a pall bearer.. gloves and a carnation. Then the casket was closed and we went in. Johnny, John, and I sat up front with my father. While aurora sat in the back with my mom. That way she really didnt see too much of what was going on as well as me crying, which i knew would upset her. My mother kept her occupied the entire time and she did great. Johnny slept the entire time. They did the service, my cousin did. and it was very good. Then they played some music and then they did a video my cousin had put together.

Once she makes me a copy i will share it. But man thats when i lost it.. I was bawling, even thinkign about it makes me want to cry. Just pictures and video of my grandma..My dad lost it when he saw a pic of his mom and dad and him as a boy..and up until this point dad hadnt cried yet. It was very hard for me to see my strong father that way and made me cry even harder. So then a pic flashed of grandma holding my newborn baby aurora.. and omg.. I just broke out in sobbs... i couldnt take it..SHES GONE...Aurora will never see her again, never actually remember her without our help.

Then that ended and everyone was able to go up to the closed coffin and say their final respects.. And i just laid my hand on it and cried, sobbed... I want her BACK! We went to the grave site and i had to breastfeed johnny, but by now im pretty descrete about it. Kissed a rose and laid it on her coffin.. and said my final goodbye.. Its so real, so final.

Went to grandmas and visited with all the family, took the mind off of the pain. Well thats all i can say for now.. Johnny needs his bath..its bedtime.

Depressed

Outwardly i act fine.. I mean im not crying as much anymore. When people ask how i am, i say alright or fine.. i dont start crying like i did.. But honeslty i feel depressed all the time. I want to hide in a hole and pass all the mouring and such by. I dont feel like cooking, cleaning, etc.. Honestly i dont feel like doing much of anything. I feel tired and sad..

I miss my grandma. I wish i had pics of the two of us on my computer, but i dont. : (