low self esteem day

I have some very pretty and fashionable family. Now don't get me wrong, I have always thought I was/am pretty. But Ive always been heavyset and more and more I feel like Im always going to be heavyset. Although I went to the gym today, but I did horrible on food.. Ive got to get it all back under control. Ive gained about 10 pounds back since ive stopped going to the gym and since ive stopped watching what i eat. I need to get back on the ball casue I had lost about 50 pounds..

But anyways. I was at a party with my family today. And my beautiful family was there, they are so fashionable, so skinny.. I just felt crappy. Made more so by the fact that I was wearing gym clothes, i dunno what i was thinking, i had just come from the gym.. Oh well...

Anyways.. I haven't bought new clothes in ages, most of my clothes aren't in great shape anymore. But im always more interested in buying for the kids than for me. I ordered some new clothes from one of my fave shops that was having a clearance sale, just a shirt and skirt. Im exctied to get them.

Ah well. Tomorrow is another day. I was planning on getting to the gym again, but my mom wants to get together. Ill have to make time later in the day. Im going to try and go for at least 30 min every day that I dont have to work.