OMG I want to voimit..

So today the kiddos and I went to my friend Deja's. She took us on a five mile walk then the kids played in her back yard and then we ate lunch. We let them run and play and tucker themselves out.

We got home, I put aurora on the potty and then I put them both down for a nap. I knew aurora would most likely get up and play, but i was hoping and praying that either she played herself to sleep or she just went to sleep. After awhile i heard no noise and i thought, hm maybe she did go to sleep. After it had been a bit i heard noises again and I thought Ill go in there and get them, assess the situation and if they havent napped ill put them down individually later.

Well i walk in and auroras bed is (Was...I just moved it) the first thing you see when you walk in. She is playing in the center of the room. The first thing i noticed is that she got into some hat boxes i had in there and apparently there was stuff left in it and it was strewn everywhere. Crinkled little pieces of blue and pink paper, EVERYWHERE... Great..but i cant get made at her, I left it in there.

So then she says "Mommy, Dudder (brother) poopied, mommy, Dudder poopied."

I continue walking in "Oh he did baby"

Then i turn the corner of the entrance to the room and i see my son standing at the side of his crib, simling at me. My eyes go from him to a brown spot on his head then to the diaper that is missing from his tushy and is currently laying in the crib and then to his hand that is covered in POOP to his mouth that has um POOP around his lips!

Inwardly I start flipping and i mean FLIPPING OUT. I pick him up and as i do so i step on a piece of POOP! I look down and the floor is littered with little pieces of poop. I rush him into the tub, shirt and all. Turn the water on and start to clean, his hand his face. And then I realize i can call my dad. So i do

"Dad I need you here RIGHT NOW.." I was flipping out. I then get on the phone with john and tell him. Im still bathing johnny. Im like WHAT DO I DO.

Dad shows up and the consensus was call the doctors. So I did, but ended up on hold with the advice nurse while i started cleaning my sons bed.I felt so embarrassed when i was on the phone trying to get the advice nurse and they were like "Whats your concern" "UM, i think my son ate his own poop" The phone literally when quiet for a few seconds. "Okay" and then i get transfered, I got transfered again because they thought it would be best if i spoke with the doctor. So they were leaving her a message and I asked the lady if there was anything I could do (I dont think she was a nurse...) and she said "Oh I think all kids go through something like this" and i was like "my daughter didnt" she responded with "Oh well she is a girl".... I was like...ha ha.. (not really) okay... bed was littered in poop. There was poop smeared the railing of his crib, on the slats of the crib, everywhere! I literally tore the entire bedroom apart and disinfected EVERYTHING. I found two small pieces of poop in auroras bed...dunno what was going on there.. and so i washed her sheets with his sheets. I moved his crib across the room. Found poop BEHIND the crib.

They told me that it would be best to speak to his doc so they left her a a message, i was told i would most likely hear back this afternoon, so far nothing.. He seems to be in a fine mood and is currently napping in his newly cleaned crib.

Then my dad, who had finished bathing johnny for me, gave me each of the kids and I brushed both their teeth with toothpaste and baby toothpaste (i dont think aurora actually ate any poop...just wanted to clean her up too). I washed both their eyes out... Please GOD dont let them get pinkeye...

I called my friend Deja to tell her all about it....

We dont know if he took his own diaper off, he has done it before in front of me and I quickly put it back on, at the time he was wearing a pocket diaper. OR aurora could have helped him take his diaper off, we asked her and she said yes, but she says yes to everything. I could ask her if she took my pants off when she didnt and she would say yes. I had put johnny down in a tshirt and diaper so he would be a little cooler but from now on out we will be putting pants, onesie..etc on him.

So yup..thats my story.. It was the most disgusting thing ive ever seen or done in my life....

Mortality

I hadnt intended on writing another blog tonight. But now i feel like i need to put my emotions somehwere, because if i dont they will just sit inside of me and churn. It may be my youth, but I am having a very hard time dealing with the death of my grandparents. My grandfather died about 8 years ago and I always felt like grandpas little girl. I was very close to my grandma as well, though we could butt heads at times, but I loved her so much. She passed away March 1st of this year. And I get by because I forget. I forget that she isnt just as the hospital or at her house.

My cousin made a beautiful picture and some video collage for her funeral. It has some beautiful music to it. I stumbled upon it today and added it to my myspace. I showed it to Aurora and johnny, because I dont want them to forget grandma, aurora was very close to her. I cried, i tried to contain it though because the kids were sitting there as well.

Well I had a comment about it today from a friend, mentioning how beautiful it was, and it truely is. But then i watched it again. I watched it because I wanted to see her face. I wanted to see her youth, her age, her movements in her videos. I just wanted to see her again. Of course it is filled with images of grandpa too. I sobbed..

Have you ever wanted someone back so bad it hurt? What I wouldnt give to lay with my head in her lap again and tell her my troubles while she combs my hair. She took care of me everyday and I tried to return the favor as an adult whenever I could. She was more like a mom than a grandma.

I want to shout from the tops of my lungs. I WANT HER BACK. Yes she lived a long, happy, blessed life. Yet I still feel this gaping hole in me. I cant just call and chat with her like i used to. She isnt here to see aurora chatting up a storm or johnny cruising around. Im so blessed she was able to see them at all.

And then to make matters worse, I keep thinking Oh my lord one day I WILL die.. I have a very big fear of death. I have actually cried when Ive thought about it before. I know as a human it is hard for all of us to deal with our mortality. The idea of just not existing is so scary, so different. And honestly I dont want to die, but then again WHO DOES?

I try to hold strong in my faith, but my new psychobiology class, which i do find ineresting, does seem to push the monism aspect. That there is no soul, that when we die, we are dead and gone. And honestly why should that bother me, but it does. When I die, i hope to see my babies again someday far far away.

My youth is getting the best of me, right now I havent lived that long of a life. But I did ask my grandma about a year ago...I told her I was scared of death, but she seemed okay with it. She said she had lived her life. Someday I know, i hope, i will reach that point.......

Someday I hope to see my grandma again, though biblicaly speaking I dont think we will recognize each other but be united in a praising of the Lord.

Thanks for listening to my blubbering.. I sound like a silly child I know..But right now I really feel like one too...

and if you havent seen it, here is the video

My Grandma Mina

Today

So right now Im winding down from what seems like a busy day. Whether or not it really was is really dependent on your terms lol. My body aches from my lower back down. Im not sure why, though I have a few scenerios.

Last night was a little odd, out of the norm. Johnny woke up at around four am and his crying woke aurora up. Aurora cried when we brought johnny into our room to nurse. But went right back to sleep. She then started crying an hour or so later when johnny was already back in the room with her. She was saying "want" in her sleep and crying. John went in and woke her up. She wet the bed. He went to take her to the restroom and she said she wanted mommy. He changed her undies and she came into bed with us, bad I know, but we rarely do it. She said cuddle mommy. LOL. So i cuddled her. I dont know what was wrong. But she laid with us a bit then went back to her own bed. When john went to put her back down I asked him to rip the sheets off, but aparently he didnt hear me so he laid her back down on pee damp sheets! He said you can go back in and do it, but I knew it would upset aurora if I did and he assured me that they werent very wet at all. When i took them off in the morning he was right.

Anyways. This morning was normal, actually not really, I did get to sleep in an extra thrity minutes, because Aurora did too. Johnny woke up on time, but he nursed for a long time this morning and nursing on my side allowed me to kind of drift in and out of sleep. We all got up, Aurora had an accident in her crib again. She went like two weeks dry at night, Im not sure why she is wetting the bed all of a sudden (although again i have a few scenerios, maybe too much liquid before bed or getting cold at night..). So I changed her panties and johnnys diaper. Put Aurora on the potty and she went like she normally does in the morning. Cleaned the potty out and let the kids play for about twenty minutes. I chilled on the couch and played with my computer. Aurora came up to me on the couch and then laid her head down and started crying for no reason. Then came to me and cuddled right up to me. Then I made us all breakfast and my dad came over for some reason. He pops by A LOT, most of the time I dont mind. This morning he fed johnny his cereal. Then we went into the bathroom like we always do. I clean them off, brush their teeth, and their hair. Take them into their room and procede to get them dressed for the day.

Their room has a gate on it, a recent addition in preperation for when we move aurora to a toddler bed, and its pretty much completely baby proof. There are a few minor things id like to do, like apply a latch to the closet so aurora cant pull all her clothes out lol. There isnt actually anything dangerous in there, but it does make quite a mess for me. Those of you who have been to my apartment know that i can see striaght down the hall from my room to theirs. So I got dressed and all that. Dad came over because he was going to go run my errands with me. That way i dont have to drive the grandma mobile.. My grandmas car that i inherited back in april and it has some issues. Though its good for around town right now.

Anyways I think some of you know that the buildings washing machine is broken. I already called and they cant come out until the 22nd, which was a day short of two weeks from when it broke. Most of you prolly know that im cloth diapering and potty training, so a washing machine is pretty important in my daily life. I was AT LEAST one load of laundry a day, but normally two or more. Well no washer means that I have to go to a laundry mat or do it at a family members house. While my mother was fully willing to let me use her washer, I didnt want to spend the entire day there washing my laundry when i could get it all done in one shot at the laundry mat. As it was I already had a few loads built up because I had let it go for the days preceding auroras birthday and after because i was sick. And then i let it go another day because the machine broke when i was trying to use it. So i had a few days built up. Since then I have gone 3 times to the laundry mat. Right now I am going pretty much every other day...Although i will be going tomorrow so that will make two days in a row. This will be explained later.

Some may ask why do i cloth diaper and potty train? Well its a personal choice I know. It really has nothing to do with being enviornmentally friendly, though this is a positive benefit. It is more so because I actually enjoy it. It also saves us money (I think, i havent really done the math on this...) Aurora is cloth potty trained because it seems that she has been doing better in cloth than in pull ups. She treats the pull ups just like diapers. And she has learned to rip the pull ups off just like she did with her cloth diapers. She also enjoys wearing "big girl undies" lol...as she and I call them.

Back to my day though..lol. My father went to lunch with a friend, so i cleaned both bathrooms. I still have to clean the glass and mop the floors, but i cleaned the counters, toilets, and sinks. I collected any dirty laundry I had, because I wanted to make sure I got it all done in this trip. A friend of mine gave me some spray oxyclean to try it out, packed that in, hangers, etc. When dad came back we loaded up and headed off. We tried a third laundry mat. The first one was kinda pricey, the second was cheaper but dirtier, but this third one was perfect. It was clean, it was midway in price between the two, but it was very well kept. I did four loads, washed, dried, and folded.

While we were there Aurora wanted to go potty frequently. She doesnt really say anything to us to tell us she needs to go, She grabs her bits (bits being crotch lol) and looks at us. Well dad must have taken her three times and I took her at least three as well. She went the first time but every time after she just talked and did nothing. Though she was letting off some smelly gas. We came to the conclusion that she just liked watching us pay the quarter to take her in and then sit and then leave. Well I think after what happened she actually had to go to the restroom, but unlike at home where she can sit comfortably for a period of time, she was uncomfortable and out of the ordinary. It was too much to ask for her to sit still long enough to go. Well I was folding, all the laundry was done. Both kids were getting tired and ready for their nap. Johnny had been playing on the folding table in front of me, but grandpa took him so i could expidite the process.

I looked back at Aurora who was standing two feet behind me and she was holding the table and it was obvious what she was doing. I went right to her but it was too late. She had gone, no pee, just poop. Grandpa, the champ, took a clean pair of undies and wipes and went to the restroom to clean her up. While i finished up the laundry with johnny. He came out and I had the laundry all clean. But now I had a pair of brand new dirty undies. They needed to go home and nap, because we had plans later in the day, but now this dirty pair of undies was going to have to sit for at least two days! I soaked the thing in oxyclean (which i love by the way..lol) and put them in a plastic baggie. Loaded up the clean folded and hung laundry. Headed home. Oh and I also went to the post office and to get food before we went to the laundry mat.

Got home, unloaded the car and proceeded to nurse johnny. Aurora was playing with this new puzzle she has that she just loves. She looked at me and grabbed her crotch. I said Aurora baby come here, because her potty is right next to me, so when im nursing i can lean over and pull her undies down for her and she can sit. She didnt come like she normally would and i could see the pee hit the carpet.. I was not a happy camper. I finished nursing johnny. I cleaned the carpet and changed her undies and put them down for their naps.

My friend nikki came over and we chatted for mabe an hour. I had to go in and wake the kids up, dress aurora in pants so that we could go to the Fire Department tour. We packed up the car and I headed off. We arrived a few mintues late, but it seems so did everyone else. I had johnny in the baby bjorn and Aurora by hand. I opted to leave my purse and diaper bag in the car, since i wanted complete control of aurora, we were next to a busy street. We got in and Aurora was a little leary of all the kids and the firemen. She wanted me to pick her up and I did. One of the firemen looked over and said jokingly that some of us really had our hands full and I was like yeah...picking up a toddler with an infant strapped to your front takes some finesse lol.

We ended up sitting on the floor. Listened to their whole talk on what to do in case of a fire, etc. Watched them suit up. Aurora got scared. They took the outfit off and let the kids try on the jacket. Most of them did, aurora was too scared. Then they asked if the moms wanted to. I think i might have been the only one who volunteered and I did try it on. I also got to hold the ax. One of the moms asked how heavy it was and I said about baby weight LOL. Then we all headed out to see the Firetruck.

Omg..Aurora was so excited. She wanted to sit inside so bad. And she got to! She got out and wanted right back in. They gave all the kids plastic firehats and goodie bags. We got back to the car and I was changing johnnys diaper on the front seat. Aurora was playing in the backseat and she said pee mommy. I said do you need to go potty and she said no. I couldnt do much about it anyways. I had a half naked baby on the carseat and the firedepartment was a little bit of a walk. So I finished johnny up and put him in his seat. I went to put aurora in her seat and thats when i found out she had an accident.

I wish there could have been something I could have done, but even if we did go back I dont think we would have made it. So now I need to go wash her carseat cover tomorrow. I had no time tonight. We came home. I gave aurora a snack, johnny played till grandpa came over to see them. I made meatloaf and put it and some potatoes in the over. Switched carseats back to grandpas car, made myself a snack, fed aurora a snack and then packed up all my school supplies. I headed off to school.

Dad drives me to school. John isnt off work in time for me to take our car, and the grandma mobile just isnt up to the distance. John leaves work right about when i leave the house. So dad dropped me off and normally by the time he gets back to the house john is home to take the kids. Well class went well. We discussed animal research and then neurons. For those who dont know im currently taking psychobiology.

John picked me up after class, dad sits at the house while he does, since the kids are already asleep. I came home and my wonderful hubby had waiting till I got home to eat and even warmed the meatloaf i made in the oven while he picked me up. We got home, i changed my clothes and all that. Then we sat down to eat. I got ready to watch the big brother season finale but sadly dad had stopped my recording and only a minute was recorded, i was pretty upset lol.

But then it was sitll on so we were able to watch the end of it and I was very happy Jordan won!]

Anyways. That was my day... :)

Been Awhile

Ive been so busy lately that I havent had the time to blog at all. Aurora turned two last Sunday, sheh ad a great party. The party kept me pretty preoccupied. Right now im just getting over being sick. The kids are currently napping, or they were, Johnny seems to have woken up, but we will give it a few minutes because they went down not too long ago.

But anyways.. Im rambling. I started school last month, next month I start another class.

Anyways... well thats all i really have to say for now. Hope everyone is doing good. :)